We are moving to California

californiapic

So you may have heard a rumor or seen a vague post on Facebook that my family is moving to California.  It is true we are.  Mid November we will be California Residents.   Why such a radical change and why California?

In late July my husband got a phone call from a personal friend telling him about this position coming available at his company.  He talked quite a bit about the awesomeness of the company, culture, and opportunities.  Although my husband wasn’t looking for a job he was intrigued and kept an open mind and started doing his own investigation.

rokuwithimages

Have you heard of the company Roku?  Maybe you have one of these devices in your home. A Roku device or Roku TV let’s you watch TV your way.  No more multiple remotes and 10 minutes to figure out how to get what you want.   We have been users of this device for several years now.  This simple inexpensive device makes exercise, cooking, cleaning, homeschooling and date nights SO MUCH BETTER.  

pbskidsrokuFirst thing in the morning the kids watch a PBS learning show while we make breakfast and organize the day. No matter what time it is or what learning show the kids want to watch (Sesame Street, Word World, Nature Cat) the Roku device let’s us watch them on our schedule.  You can get a variety of free channels. For days when we can’t get outside our Homeschool Gym Class includes a Youtube Fitness Blender “Kids Move”.  I love my K-LOVE and Elevation Channels and listen to worship music and a Stephen Furtick sermon throughout the week.

Some channels you may want have a minimal monthly charge. We have Netflix and PureFlix.   Netflix Leap Frog Learning shows have helped my kids learn their alphabet, phonics, shapes, numbers, and now words and math so that time gets counted as part of HomeSchooling a couple times a week. Do you want a cheap but inspiring Date night?  Try a Pure Flix movie with your honey?  We love watching these uplifting movies.

Preparing dinner wouldn’t be the same if it weren’t for the Roku device.  My 6 year old and 3 year old can easily turn on their favorite learning show while my hands are messy making dinner. My Roku device also gets my house cleaned easier.  How?  I use their favorite Netflix show or movie as a reward for “getting our work done” on cleaning days.

pureflix

It may sound like we watch a lot of TV, but in fact the kids watch less then 2 hrs a day and most of it is focused learning.  Before when we just had TV or Cable they ended up watching more and less quality TV.  The Roku gives us more control and specifics with the programming that goes into their little heads.  We estimate the device and channels we pay for saves us at least $300 a year compared to basic Cable TV and the Red Box Movies we used to get.   Plus the sanity and time savings is priceless.   

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Roku was founded by CEO Anthony Woods the INVENTOR of the DVR. His company Roku which means 6 in Japanese is the 6th company Mr Woods has founded. Mr Woods has been instrumental in many of the amazing things we all enjoy including streaming movies.  As my husband investigated Roku and found it to be an amazing company filled with talented people.  He was excited for the chance to work there so he started the application and interview process.

It was a hard process. He went through some tough interviews and at several points we thought he was rejected.  But thanks to God, personal referrals, JOB DOMINATION, and lots of prayer he received his acceptance and approval letter October 11th, 2016.  

We all are extremely excited and of course nervous about this new adventure.  We are moving from the Privacy of the woods in a small town of 7000 people spread out over almost 600 square miles…. To  30,000 people packed into 11 square miles…..   WOW.  It is definitely going to be different.    The freedoms and lifestyle we enjoyed in Florida are going to be missed.  But it’s time to do hard things expanding our territory, learning, developing, and growing .  

When we stay in a comfort zone of convenience, routines, and sameness we don’t grow.  When we stretch ourselves to do something different, to use our talents and skills we grow and make the world a better place.

I am super proud of my husband.  He is a talented incredible genius of a man but he doesn’t like change.  He is stretching himself to take this leap of faith. He is applying his talents and growing his skills so he can make a difference for the company but more importantly for his family. His stepping out in faith will not only contribute to the success of Roku but ultimately change our family for generations.  His example to our children and wise stewardship of the financial blessings will change the trajectory of our future.  

roku

Jay and I are looking forward to this new adventure with Roku.  We understand that what we are saying YES to is much more than a job.  

What decisions will you make today that will help you grow as a person? What risks will you take to change your future generations?  What talents are you not using right now?  What skills do you need to learn or sharpen to improve your life?    Are you willing to stretch yourself and grow?  We hope so.

Follow our story over on the Total Wellness Doc Facebook Page and Instagram

 

My 13 Year Marriage Advice

anniversary

Today is my anniversary. On August 9, 2002 I said I do to my best friend Jay. It was a beautiful wedding, outdoor, with friends, family, dancing it was great. But I don’t think I realized that day what being married really meant.

That first year of marriage was rough. Dishonoring each other with our words and being disrespectful. Then we started setting up some better behavior standards. Still we could have huge blowouts. Five years after we got married we started getting some Biblical Marriage Training and it made a world of difference.

We got better, but better isn’t enough.

Conflict

This week I got to have a conversation with an Associate Pastor whose main job is counseling pre-marriage couples. He actually gets them fighting and helps them deal with conflict resolution and communication. I thought this was very very interesting. He also discussed the concept of constant evaluation. This conversation was at 3:20pm… little did I know I would be in conflict just less than 5 hours later.

Conflict can start so innocently. In my marriage it usually is from lack of communication, disrespecting, and or carelessness. Although I would like to say we never fight, we never dishonor each other, we never misinterpret what the other is saying, we never hurt each other… that would be a lie. And to be honest the more time we spend with each other the more opportunities we have for these things.

In many cases I am the culprit of the conflict. In this case I was careless with planning and prioritized other things over an important thing my husband wanted to do. I didn’t really LISTEN, I mismanaged things, and then once the opportunity was lost for him, I argued and didn’t listen again to his hurt.

See in conflict and during this time it didn’t matter what or why this thing happened it only mattered that he was trying to communicate to me that he was hurt, disappointed and frustrated. I made it all about me and how I felt once he was upset and really just didn’t listen at a level couples need to listen at.

Are you listening to your spouse? Are you really hearing them? Are you honoring their desires, wants, needs? Are they hearing you?

It may be time you invest in your marriage. Why not take a class together or by yourself? Go talk to a marriage counselor. Or maybe even do a marriage retreat together.

My 13 Year Marriage Advice

One thing I have learned from my years of marriage counseling is that if you listen and honor your spouse consistently they will do the same.

As for our conflict, well after a cooling and thinking period I realized what I did and how it hurt my husband. We talked about it, he shared his hurt and the reasons why this was important to him. I listened and sincerely apologized that my behavior led to his loss of opportunity. He forgave me and to show he forgave me, he handed over the one “good pillow” we both love to sleep on. Love is selfless. LOL!

“Marriage isn’t easy, but it is worth it.”

 

God Bless your Marriage,

Mary Starr Carter

the Total Wellness Doc and Mom

 

Disclaimer: This information is not meant to diagnose, prescribe, treat or cure any illness or disease. It’s strictly for informational, educational, or entertainment purposes ONLY. The products I talk about are not meant to diagnose, prescribe, treat or cure any illness or disease. Any information I give you about them is for informational or entertainment purposes only. They have not been evaluated or approved by the FDA. Please seek the qualified health professional of your choice when making health decisions for yourself, your family and your pets.

My Advice to Those in Marriage or Thinking About Marriage

Yesterday I congratulated a friend on her upcoming marriage. She told me, “The wedding is off.” I was shocked but then she said, “I have to stick to my word. I told him a while back that the drinking had to stop. He stopped and then we got engaged. He started again and I couldn’t make a life commitment to that. I still love him, he’s my best friend but I can’t marry that.”

I thought to myself WOW what an incredibly amazing and strong woman. At the age of 30 she had made positive pro-active decisions that could result in avoiding a lot of heartache and hurt down the road or even divorce.

Christie, one of our employees is a young 30 something year old who has never been married. She desires a Godly man who accepts her fully including her healthy lifestyle. Since she works with our family very closely everyday she sees a lot of what marriage is like. I have encouraged and coached her on some particulars about marriage and about getting ready for a husband.

Here are a couple of those tips:

A way to a man’s heart is through his stomach…

I know it sounds cliché and old fashioned but I really think there is some truth to this. Christie has seen first hand what HANGRY (hunger making a person irritable) does in our house.

Having a regular eating schedule, planned meals, and healthy snacks available in the house are important. She sees that these things take time and planning but if we don’t do them then things don’t run as smoothly.

DECLARE WAR ON DEBT

They say weekly fights about money increase our risk of divorce. I walked into my marriage in 2002 with almost $200,000 in debt and then acquired another $100,000 in our first 5 years of marriage. Can you imagine 46% of your income going to debt?   That would mean half the week you work to pay off debt and the other half you are working to pay your basic necessitates like rent, electricity, phones and food. I think and know that could cause STRIFE in a marriage.

Imagine how much less stress a young couple will have with no EXTRA Debt payments monthly. It could be the difference in a spouse being able to stay home with the kids if they choose to and having to work full time.

MARRIAGE IS HARD

So my final advice to those in marriage or thinking about marriage is this:

Marriage is hard. For most of us there will be a time or times when you want to leave or give up. But don’t… learn to really listen. Learn to love yourself, learn to communicate honor and respect your spouse. And most of all pray for your spouse, pray for your marriage everyday. Prioritize your relationship with God first, spouse second, kids third, work and other stuff after that. Do those things and watch your marriage blossom.

 

 

Disclaimer: This information is not meant to diagnose, prescribe, treat or cure any illness or disease. It’s strictly for informational, educational, or entertainment purposes ONLY. The products I talk about are not meant to diagnose, prescribe, treat or cure any illness or disease. Any information I give you about them is for informational or entertainment purposes only. They have not been evaluated or approved by the FDA. Please seek the qualified health professional of your choice when making health decisions for yourself, your family and your pets.

Say No to Divorce

Say No to Divorce

I was so happy to hear my friend announce at lunch that she had made the commitment to work on her marriage. Married for more then 20 years with 2 kids out of the house, she and her husband had some rough years recently. Financial stresses, alcohol, health and differences in lifestyles were pulling them apart.

One person was getting healthier and healthier and the other no so much. One person had energy and vitality and the other not so much. Do you ever feel like this, that your spouse isn’t at the same place as you are in life? That they aren’t interested in the same things you are? It becomes easier to pull apart and become more like roommates than a married couple.

The thing is marriage is a covenant. That means we made a solemn promise under God to be One, for better and worse, in sickness and in health, in richer and in poorer…

Ever wonder why those words are in most marriage vows? They are real. All marriages will deal with better times and worse times, sickness and health, richer and poorer. Now granted all of the choices we make definitely contribute to the state of our marriage. Making good choices by both parties is a key to having a marriage full of love. Make bad choices or become complacent in working on your marriage and you will have a marriage full of frustration, anger, and fighting.

I may have only 13 years of marriage under my belt but I understand the good and the bad of marriage. I have been in marriage coaching for 6 years and understand the consistent work it takes to have a good marriage. My husband and I don’t have an outstanding marriage yet but we have a good marriage. So I am going to share my tips on having a good marriage and avoiding divorce.

IT STARTS WITH YOU
1. Be the best you
If you really want to work on your marriage it starts with working on you.  We must be the best ME we can be to have the best marriage we want.

This includes taking care of your health. Recently both my husband and I had some blood tests done from www.zrtlabs.com. We found out that both of us are hormonally challenged right now. This helped us tweak our food, exercise, supplements and essential oils health program to support ourselves. Things like low libido, lack of energy and motivation may be a hidden hormonal challenge. So why not get things checked out.

HONOR YOUR SPOUSE

2. Learn your spouse’s love language
If you want to really love your spouse like they need to be loved, learn their love language and stop giving love only like how you like to receive it.

the 5 love languages

The 5 Love Languages book by Gary D Chapman

Photo credit

3. Learn about your spouse’s personality
SOOOOOOO VERY IMPORTANT… if you want to be together for 50 plus years you must learn to communicate and understand your spouse’s personality.

GEMS® Mastery

Make Having a Successful Marriage a Priority

4. Make your marriage a priority
Most marriages fall apart because we have made other things a priority over the marriage. If each of you makes God your number 1 priority followed by your marriage, you will have much less risk of divorce after the kids are out of the house.

People who make their children the highest priority and their marriage a least priority find they don’t even know each other once the kids are gone or worse end up divorced.

5. Date night
The best examples of happy marriages I have in my life all have this in common: DATE NIGHT. My grandparents and my aunt and uncle are 2 examples where they each forced themselves to go on a date once a week. Even with small little kids at home, exhausted from work, no desire to go out, no money, they still made it a rule to get out and once they did they had a blast.

My grandma told me they would sometimes have to find change in the couches to get enough money to go to the movies or have one cocktail out.  My aunt and uncle had a life where he worked out of town for 3-4 days a week so their Thursday night dates were really important to reconnect and share. My grandparents have been married 60 years and my aunt and uncle 30 years. I don’t know but I think they are doing something right.

FORGIVENESS

6. Forgiveness
Forgiveness is an essential piece of a happy marriage. Learn how to forgive and do it regularly. For the little things that build up like forgetting to take out the trash to forgetting to get you a card for Mother’s Day to worse things.  And yes worse things will happen. In those cases you will need to ask God to help you forgive, to heal your heart, and to heal your marriage.

Is having a good marriage easy? No, but is it worth it? YES!

So get out there, learn, and invest time and effort into your marriage.

YOU CAN DO THIS! I am praying for your marriage success!

 

Disclaimer: This information is not meant to diagnose, prescribe, treat or cure any illness or disease. It’s strictly for informational, educational, or entertainment purposes ONLY. The products I talk about are not meant to diagnose, prescribe, treat or cure any illness or disease. Any information I give you about them is for informational or entertainment purposes only. They have not been evaluated or approved by the FDA. Please seek the qualified health professional of your choice when making health decisions for yourself, your family and your pets.

Marriage Exercise: 101 Things That I Love About My Spouse

marriage exercise

Let’s face it- marriage is not easy. A joy-filled loving marriage is even harder to develop. Many couples are more like roommates than happily, passionately in love with their spouse. How does this happen?

I recently heard a friend say when I commented about the lack of time he and his wife have together, “Well when you have been married as long as we have it just works.” I felt sad about that comment.  I felt sad because I know it doesn’t have to be that way.

I know because I have examples in my life of couples married over 40 or even 50 years who still love each other deeply and want to spend quality time with each other.

So how do we stay or grow to fall in love with our spouse even deeper? I came up with this Marriage Exercise while on my own weekly date night the other night. I think it can help you fall more passionately in love with your spouse too.

Our tendency as humans is to focus on the faults, annoying things, frustrations, angers, and past hurts of our spouse. And the fact is daily our spouse could be hurtful, annoying, frustrating, or make us angry. So how do we change our focus and mindset? I think I found an answer.

This is an exercise I did the other day just for fun on one of our date nights. We had an hour drive and I thought I am going to tell my husband 101 ways why I love him.

Quite honestly at first I thought it was going to be difficult and that I maybe could get to 20. But then something happened once I focused on all the things I love about him. I started being reminded of more things that he has done or traits he has that I love. It was really fun. I was speaking LIFE into my husband.

And then as I got towards the end I started telling him things that I love about him that has not happened yet. It was like speaking a prophetic Word into his life. And the results surprised me.

When we got home that night he was so loving and caring for me (and not just because it was date night). See when you have little kids, a business to run, and health challenges you know that by the end of the day you are exhausted and sometimes impatient and probably not so loving feeling. But it was like the Words I spoke over my husband gave him energy, love, and the ability to feed me “caring and love”.

It was awesome… and when he did something later that was a little frustrating instead of getting frustrated and upset I focused on why I love him and told him some. It diffused the bad emotions and brought in the good.

So I don’t know if this exercise will work for you but why not try it.

1. Get your journal and start with 10 reasons you love your spouse.

2. When you get to 10 keep going and see how far you can get… here are a few ideas:

Think about his/her talents, qualities, physical features you love, things they have done you have been proud of or things they have done for the family or you. Their way with your children.

3. Now think about their dreams and goals and write down reasons you love them as if they have achieved those dreams and goals. Make sure they are their dreams or at least your mutual dreams together. For example:

I love you because you worked so hard to get healthy and you did it.

I love you because you have helped our family get out of debt.

I love you because you have created a legacy for our children.

4. Now go test a few of these things out with your spouse. Make sure they are in a space for listening and receiving your words. Sometimes you might have to write them a letter or card.

Let me know how it goes. It may sound silly to you because you just aren’t in that happy place with your marriage or maybe like my friend you have been married a long time, but WHY NOT just try it. What do you have to lose? And keep trying it.

Give your spouse Words of Love and Encouragement for the next 10 days and see what happens. And if you are still struggling, try Shutran essential oil blend. It is beautiful romantic cologne or perfume that can be worn daily, diffused or just saved for special nights that can help you both feel more loving. We love SHUTRAN.

I will pray for your success and awesome changes in your marriage. For more tips about Having a Happy Marriage, visit my friends who have been married a LONG time and coach thousands of people on how to have a QUALITY marriage, Drs. Jack and Lavonne Atnip on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/TheEncouragementCenter.

 

Disclaimer: This information is not meant to diagnose, prescribe, treat or cure any illness or disease. It’s strictly for informational, educational, or entertainment purposes ONLY. The products I talk about are not meant to diagnose, prescribe, treat or cure any illness or disease. Any information I give you about them is for informational or entertainment purposes only. They have not been evaluated or approved by the FDA. Please seek the qualified health professional of your choice when making health decisions for yourself, your family and your pets.

Myths About Marriage That Keep You Single and How To Avoid Them

Myths About Marriage That Keep You Single and How To Avoid Them
By Aesha Adams-Roberts

I talk with men and women on a daily basis about life and love. And one of the most common points that comes up with all of them have to do with their beliefs about love, marriage, and the opposite sex.

For example, right before Christmas I had my 5th dentist appointment (yeah, I know) and I asked two very attractive, professional single women about their love lives. They willingly shared all the juicy details with me. One, a dental hygienist, told me she had met the love of her life on Myspace a few years ago, and he wants to marry her. In fact, he asked her what would she think if he bought her an engagement ring for Christmas. Her answer: “Why are we talking about this?!” When I probed her for more information, she told me she is scared to get married because all of the marriages in her immediate family ended in (an ugly) divorce, and she was certain that it would happen to her too. The dental associate who was working on my teeth at the time said she hoped one day love would find her. “Are you dating,” I asked? “No,” she replied, “I just don’t go out enough. But it’ll happen for me one day–maybe.”

The beliefs these two women had about themselves and about marriage shaped the actions they did–or didn’t–take. One was sabotaging her chances for marriage, the other was passively waiting for it to happen.

The beliefs a woman has about herself, love, marriage, relationships, and the opposite sex is often the greatest hindrance to her meeting and marrying the man of their dreams, more than any other factor I’ve observed so far–age, race, weight, economic status.

Our beliefs are powerful because they shape our actions. Some of the ways beliefs are formed are through the ways we’re groomed by our parents (whether they were married or divorced or single), our friends, our communities, the media, and our culture. We have the power to say “yes, I believe that” or “no, I don’t believe that” to these influences, but if we’ve experienced something that confirms what any of these sources say, it is often a challenge to believe anything else.

For example, many people believe that 50% of all marriages end in divorce. We’ve heard “experts” quote it as an undisputed fact and we may have even seen divorce happen again and again with our families and friends.

However, a 2005 article in the New York Times by Dan Hurley revealed that this supposedly fact-based belief is not accurate. In reality, 3 out of 5 marriages last until “death do us part!”

Question: What would happen if we collectively started believing that most marriages thrive instead of die?

Another commonly held belief I’ve heard over and over from single women, is that men should always make the first move when it comes to dating. These women are waiting for their Knight in Shining Armor to appear, sweep them off their feet, and ride off into the sunset to live happily ever after.

However, when I asked my Facebook followers what they thought about the belief that men should always make the first move, surprisingly, all of the women said “Yes, they should!” Their rationale was that a man isn’t a “real man” if he doesn’t approach them, that he doesn’t have backbone, and that if he doesn’t pursue a woman, he doesn’t recognize her value and will eventually want the woman to take the lead on everything.

However, most of the men said, “No!” One man in particular said, “As the saying goes, “a closed mouth doesn’t get fed.” Also, I see a woman that makes the first move as confident. Confidence is attractive. (Very)”

Another man’s comment revealed the pressures most men feel when it comes to approaching a woman:

“Let’s see…men run the risk of getting flat out rejected, denied, charged with assault or harassment, called perverted names if signs were misread, slapped, or beat up when making the first move. Ladies at worst, may only face a polite decline. Who should make the first move? The one with the least to lose.”

The men’s comments flew in the face of traditional beliefs about men’s and women’s roles in dating. But more surprising to me was how the women felt the need to defend their positions on why men should always approach a woman. Instead of taking note that attractive, single men were telling them on Facebook (for all the world to see) that they don’t mind if a woman takes initiative and shows she is interested in man, my single sisters held on tight to their beliefs that a man should always take the first move.
So, what’s a sister to do?

If you want to know if your beliefs may be keeping you from the marriage of your dreams, I suggest you spend some time journaling and reflecting. Actually write down the beliefs you have about yourself, about what it means to be in love, about what men should and shouldn’t do, and ask yourself: where did these beliefs come from? Did they come from your family? your religious beliefs? Your culture? Ask yourself: Do I really believe this? Why?

Remember, you have the power to choose your beliefs. Choose wisely because they may be the only thing between you and the man of your dreams!

Aesha Adams-Roberts, PhD is an author, speaker, and dating and relationship expert. After years of making painful dating mistakes, Aesha finally learned what it takes to find the man of one’s dreams. She married hers after just 11 months. Using the time‐tested principles she discovered, she founded AeshaOnline.com, a site designed to help women not just meet, date and marry the man of their dreams, but figure out why they have been unsuccessful in the past. AeshaOnline.com is today’s go‐to site for people who want to know the secrets to happy relationships from dating into marriage, parenting and beyond.

 

 

Disclaimer: This information is not meant to diagnose, prescribe, treat or cure any illness or disease. It’s strictly for informational, educational, or entertainment purposes ONLY. The products I talk about are not meant to diagnose, prescribe, treat or cure any illness or disease. Any information I give you about them is for informational or entertainment purposes only. They have not been evaluated or approved by the FDA. Please seek the qualified health professional of your choice when making health decisions for yourself, your family and your pets.

Vital Signs of a Healthy Marriage and Business

I am writing this blog post not as an expert today, but as one who has taken the journey of marriage for ten years and lives to tell about the struggles and successes of my marriage and business. If you are struggling or successful in both your marriage and business, read on. You may find some golden nuggets along the way to have an even better marriage and business.

Jay and I have been married for 10 years and we got to celebrate with a little getaway to Niagara Falls this past weekend.  Our marriage like many has not been easy but with the help of business, personal development and relationship mentors, we like each other more and more and fall deeper in love each day.

As one who has been trained in the medical field, vital signs are important in looking at a patient’s health chart.  Assessing body temperature, acidity, heart rate, blood pressure and cholesterol level can tell a lot about a person’s health.

Likewise, our marriage and business have vital signs that show its state of health. Is it thriving or dying?

Dr. Lavonne Atnip is a psychologist, marriage counselor and Biblical Mentor to me. She and her husband Dr. Jack have helped thousands of people in the last 38 years in pre-marital counseling, marital improvement, divorce recovery, spiritual warfare and Bible Studies. I have benefited immensely from her mentorship. You can find out more about one of my calls with her at the Break Free Teleclass with Dr. Lavonne.

What I’ve learned, I’m going to share with you through the simple fruits of the spirit strategy. The fruits of the spirit are love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. While the opposite of these are sexual immorality, impurity and hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions, envy, drunkenness, gluttony ad the like.

Marriage and business are almost the same when you think about ways to make them work. We need consistency, persistency, commitment, respect, dedication, time, nurturing and knowing when to set aside time to getaway from it all just to relax and spend time not working but relaxing. The fruit of the spirit applies to both entities as well.

Here is a closer look at 5 vital signs (I am writing from a perspective of a wife):

Self Control
Proverbs said, better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife. Reference to a nagging wife comes out quite often in the book of Proverbs. Again in another verse it says, better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.

Seems weird that I would put self-control in under nagging. But I learned this the hard way. (and still am learning this) If you find yourself nagging away at home, that could be a warning sign.

What is it that is bothering you? Is it stress, dissatisfaction, hurt, lack of self-love, judgment or unforgiveness?

Some of us wives do have the tendency to mention a certain subject over and over again without much self-control. Self-control is one of the fruits of the spirit.

Selfish Ambition
One profound quote written by Albert Einstein about man and woman:

“Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.”

Are you trying to change your spouse?  Could it be insecurity, immaturity or self-hate that is making us look at them instead of ourselves? “If only you will do this!” Or “if only he would spend more time with me”!  What would happen if we practice kindness, gentleness and acceptance?  Maybe they would want to spend more time with us.

Let’s take a moment to think about this statement by Einstein.

Responsibility
Do we justify, rationalize or deny just getting away from facing the truth? Sometimes blaming and always trying to find a scapegoat may cause tension in a marriage. Facing the truth about our fears, insecurity and lack of acceptance may trigger conflict.

I remember the last tense moment we had.  I said to my husband, “you seem really irritable and short tempered today what’s going on with you?” He laughed and said “ME short tempered?” Then I thought about how short tempered I had been with him the entire morning.

Taking full responsibility of our own actions demand facing the truth and forgiving. LOTS OF IT! Anger may arise due to dissatisfaction or thinking more of our own needs than our spouse. Anger will fuel tension and insecurity and before we know it, we will become highly skilled in hiding our fears and insecurity and taking responsibility of our actions will be the last thing in our minds.

Can you imagine thinking “whatever it takes, I’m going to take full responsibility of my actions and make this thing work!”

Too many people just give up on their marriage or let it go dead.  You know, the type of couples who are more like roommates then husband and wife. The passion and love is gone and the words they use with each other are less than flattering.

Do we dare to be vulnerable and admit our weakness or fears? Only when we take full responsibility of playing our part could we be free to be ourselves and accept our spouse as there are. This requires personal development and increasing our sense of personal love and security. (I am still working on this one.)

Time and Change
It takes time for a plant to bear its fruit and there are seasons involved in planting and harvesting. Marriage goes through seasons too. Season of conceiving babies, raising babies and many more. But whatever season a plant may be in, it never changes the type of fruits it will bear. We can’t make excuses that we are raising kids, or building a business, or have a lot of stress and put our marriage on the back burner.  Make time for each other. Make time to get away.

Two of the best marriages I know include my grandparents and my aunt and uncle.  What has been foundational for both of these couples in every season of life?  A weekly date night and time away with each other.  No matter how exhausted they were, they made time for their marriage.

Our Core
The core of our being and character does not change through time. What might have attracted us to our spouse in the first place is still there. If we take time to evaluate that character that we first fell in love with, we may find appreciation and gratitude in our spouse.

For some it may be their confidence, patience, and commitment, beliefs or interests.  Or he thinks you are beautiful no matter what you look like.  Hold on to something and appreciate that one thing.

There is no perfect marriage or business. Both take commitment, work and belief. Focus on the Family said

Marriage is often about fighting the battle between your ears. Successful couples have learned to resist holding grudges, bringing up the past and remembering that they married an imperfect person – and so did their spouse.

Do you have any special secrets to share about your marriage success or business strategies? Let us know by leaving a comment below.

Disclaimer: This information is not meant to diagnose, prescribe, treat or cure any illness or disease. It’s strictly for informational, educational, or entertainment purposes ONLY. The products I talk about are not meant to diagnose, prescribe, treat or cure any illness or disease. Any information I give you about them is for informational or entertainment purposes only. They have not been evaluated or approved by the FDA. Please seek the qualified health professional of your choice when making health decisions for yourself, your family and your pets.

 

Happy Marriage and Total Wellness Through Relationship Counseling


I look around the room of this small church and thought to myself: Wow, there are a lot of happy couples here.  I was at a wedding of a good friend and I couldn’t help but laugh at all the couples in the room, who if you didn’t know any better you would think all of them just got married.  Laughter, happiness, kisses; looks of endearment, joy, and passion were present throughout that room.

Why were all these couples so happy? Let me share their secret.

75% of the couples in the room have invested into programs and or counseling that helped them learn to communicate with each other better, love each other deeper, get over some past hurts, deal with current stressors in their relationships, and learn to be a better spouse.

This may sound kind of strange to you or maybe you have had marriage counseling in the past.  I am pretty open that I have a session with my marriage counselor every month not because I am struggling in marriage but because I want to keep my marriage happy and improve my skills.  It is a significant investment of money and my time but IT IS WORTH IT!

So the morning after the wedding I had breakfast with a group of couples from the wedding.  I had to laugh because; all of us have been counseled by the same counselors, Dr. Lavonne and Jack Atnip.  Here are some of their stories:



This year think about making a New Year’s Resolution to improve your marriage. You might end up happier than you ever thought you could be. Please leave your comment below and let us know your thoughts.

Dr. Mary Starr Carter is known as the Total Wellness Doc. She has been training individuals about Natural Health Solutions for over 13 years. She is trained as a Chiropractor and has studied under the world’s foremost leaders in natural medicine. She is a mother and a wife and has created a balanced and total wellness life for herself and thousands of her clients using her simple wholistic approach to health and wellness. Her coaching, classes and ebooks help clients with Fibromyalgia, Hormone and Adrenal issues, Asthma, Diabetes, Weight problems, Thyroid and Chronic pain find resources and solutions to better health.

We publish newsletters and blogposts twice a week for our readers for general education purposes only. We cover topics that are related to achieving and maintaining total wellness which includes our emotional, physical, spiritual and financial health.

Your Health and Your Sex Life

Your Health and Your Sex Life

By Dr. Mary Starr Carter

Sex within a healthy marriage is awesome and if you have a healthy marriage I don’t have to answer why…..

But the quality of your Sex Life can be a reflection of one or both spouse’s health. Here are some common myths when it comes to sex.

Myth:  It is natural as we age for our libido to decrease

Actually this is not correct.  If you examine some of the longest living cultures alive today they not only are enjoying sex in their later years but actually conceiving at 50 and 60 without any medical help.

A healthy male will have virility to his late years. And woman way past her sixties in many of these cultures.

What do these cultures have that we don’t in most modernized countries?

Clean Foods no processed foods or sugar.

Daily physical exercise from labor.

Cleansing or Fasting 30-100 days a year.

Nature’s unadulterated medicine.

A lot less Cortisol (stress hormone) raising Stress

In these cultures there are no cases of Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue, or Digestive Diseases like Ulcerative Colitis and Crohn’s.

Myth:  It is normal for an older male not be able to have an erection or ejaculation

This is incorrect.  Certain diseases like Diabetes, Stenosis of the spinal cord (arthritis pushing on the spinal cord), Bulging discs on the spinal cord, and many medications can all cause issues with sexual performance.

As a Chiropractor I have to say that blockages in your nervous system the body’s Master System may be causing symptoms.  Some older men have found regular Chiropractic adjustments very beneficial to their overall health.

 

Myth:  Drugs can fix my “sex problems”

In the past two decades they have found many harmful and even fatal side effects of some common erectile dysfunction drugs.

Ironically the same drugs that are suppose to make us happy (Anti-depressants) have a common side effect of decreased libido.  And don’t forget that alcohol and recreational drugs also will affect your sexual performance.

Even something as simple as a cholesterol medication can decrease the cholesterol needed to produce hormones that give us our sex drive.

So if you are having trouble investigate these things first before turning to medications.

Myth:  What I eat has no effect on my sexual performance? 

This is incorrect, especially if you are trying to have a baby.  Men who eat a junk food diet filled with high saturated fats, sugar, and sodas like Mountain DoDo have been found to have a lower motility and sperm count.  Over time these things lead to stressed out organs, nervous system, and hormonal system resulting in dis-ease like Diabetes.

NingXia Red is just a highly concentrated fruit drink that is extremely safe for all ages and health conditions.  There is no caffeine or herbs in it just nature’s medicine fruits that help to re-build the body.  After 6 weeks of 6 oz a day most every person I talk to comments how ALIVE they feel & how much VITALITY they feel.  If you would like to know more about NingXia Red go to  http://www.starrhealth.myningxia.com/

Myth:  Exercise will reduce my Sex Drive

Exercise is an important part of your health and can increase your libido by increasing the Happy Hormones in your body as well as specific hormones that help keep you young.

If you overtrain you can decrease your oomph by stressing the adrenal glands which are an important part of your endocrine hormone system.  One great tip for Exercisers is to drink an ounce of NingXia Red in 8 oz of water while you exercise and make sure your body is getting enough minerals, B vitamins, and Fish oils.

This is just a glimpse at what Nutrition and Exercise can do your Sex Life. But here is my Bonus and Advice for those who want it don’t feel you have to take it.

As a spouse who has been through marriage training and individual counseling I would have to say the most effective training we had as a couple was www.firststepstosuccess.com


It may seem weird that we went to a business training to get
our marriage straight but it ended up like that.  I tell every person I know that this is where I learned to be a good listener and wife. To honor my husband and build a foundation of success. I won’t comment on my sex life in honor of my husband, but I will end by saying some of the best things you can do for your marriage and sex life happen outside the bedroom.

Let us know what you think. Please comment below.  Be tasteful and respectful.

Dr. Mary Starr Carter has worked with thousands of clients from terminally ill and chronic diseases to those who are healthy and want vibrant health.  She has counseled hundreds of families who had given up hope find simple safe solutions. Known as the Total Wellness Doc she looks at all aspects of health to help someone overcome disease.    She specializes in difficult cases like Fibromyalgia,  Hormone and Adrenal issues, Asthma, Diabetes and Chronic pain.

We publish newsletters and blogposts twice a week for our readers for general education purposes only. We cover topics that are related to achieving and maintaining total wellness which includes our emotional, physical, spiritual and financial health.