When we lost our baby we had no insurance. YIKES. I know my mom is going to freak out. It was just a choice we made at that time due to risk ratio and what the insurance would cover with my midwife. I do believe in insurance. I recommend people have it.

But did you know that hospitals, laboratories, and doctors give discounts for immediate payments? That’s right. Because we paid at time of service for our diagnostic testing, doctor’s fees, and hospital visits we saved almost $10,000 compared to what the insurance bill would have been.

If I had insurance to cover the visits and only had to pay the insurance fee, co-pays and deductibles I still would have saved almost $3000 because I could pay immediately.

What’s my point?

We are unique because we had the money to cover our medical expenses. What about you? What would a bill for $7000 do to your family’s household budget, savings, or debt load?

We are unique because we have freedom. We have freedom to grieve, heal and rest more than a month without losing income, using up vacation days, having to cut our lifestyle.

What would happen to your savings, your family’s lifestyle, your vacation days if you had to take 3 weeks of time off? What about 3 months?

Don’t get me wrong. My family still has debt we are working on, we don’t live in a beautiful mansion, and we actually only have one car we lease. I am not at a place I would call perfection but I am at a place I can call PEACEFUL.

A place where my husband could leave a very stressful job that was killing him. A place where we can hire a home helper to assist us with the kids, errands, cleaning, cooking etc. A place where we can pack up and move near our family living where we want to live and not where a job tells us we have to be.

I am here to tell you that you can have that PEACE & FREEDOM too. My heart hurts for the people who don’t have the resources and support and go through what Jay and I have gone through four times losing our babies. Each time it gets worse on our hearts but each time we are at a better and better place to deal with the loss. That is from creating more and more FREEDOM in our lives.

The freedom we have in our life wasn’t FREE. In fact for the first 10 years we learned, grew, failed, and worked to so hard we burned out many times. Then we got smarter utilized what we learned and have worked the past 5 years without so much burn out. We still must work, but we have and continue to learn how to work SMART.

Tell me where do you want to be the next time tragedy hits your family. In a place where you are just getting by or do you want to be FREE…

If your answer is YES and if you are serious about learning more about our journey and if it is the right thing for you, call our office at 1888-351-6850 or email us at info@starrhealth.com.

I don’t know if what our family did to create FREEDOM in our lives is right for you. What I do know is we have helped hundreds of people live a better lives and if we can help you we will.

That is our commitment. Helping Families live Better Lives. God Bless you.

 

Disclaimer: This information is not meant to diagnose, prescribe, treat or cure any illness or disease. It’s strictly for informational, educational, or entertainment purposes ONLY. The products I talk about are not meant to diagnose, prescribe, treat or cure any illness or disease. Any information I give you about them is for informational or entertainment purposes only. They have not been evaluated or approved by the FDA. Please seek the qualified health professional of your choice when making health decisions for yourself, your family and your pets.

 

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5 Ways Grieving Affects the Whole Family

When a family has a loss of a baby, the whole family grieves. You would think it would be just the mom and maybe the dad, but really it’s the whole family. Maybe your family has been through difficult times. Divorce, death of a loved one, a move away from loved ones, loss of a job and downgrade of your lifestyle. I guess all these things could cause grief for family members.

Here are my observations and my opinions of what may transpire due to the loss:

1. Illness - I watched my good friend and neighbor Debbie lose several loved ones in a row followed by our move to Florida. She had a constant cold and illness for more than 9 months.

Immune System: Grief weakens the immune system. Stress associated with months of turmoil before or after a loss causes our cortisol “stress hormone” to pump out. The adrenal glands that pump out the stress hormone called cortisol can literally burn out… which can leave us with an even bigger problem of chronic fatigue.

Recognize that your family members may start to get sick weeks or months after the loss. If you see repetitive illness, you may want to focus on building the immune system of the entire family.

2. Lack of Energy –  “I walk around the block and I need to come in and take a nap.” “I barely can get through the day without falling asleep.” “I need stimulants like coffee, soda, or energy drinks to do my job.”

Do these things sound familiar?

Some people need these things regardless. But after a loss we can become more and more dependent on “energy aides”. The burning out of the adrenal glands is many times a culprit. And this is much more common in our population than you think. This can also result in one good day of energy and doing things followed by a bad day.

For me I found myself having a good day of energy where I cared for the kids, decorated for Christmas, and took a short walk. The following day I found myself so exhausted I literally had to sleep for 4 hours in the middle of the day.

Adrenal exhaustion will put you on a roller coaster until you get on track for healing it. To learn more about Adrenal Exhaustion and if you have it, visit this page.

3. Fogginess - After the loss, your body and brain may be in a state of shock for weeks or months afterwards. You may forget names, appointments, where you left things and the common “what was I looking for” when you enter a room. Concentration is difficult. I have ruined several meals trying to cook, wasted expensive supplements by accidentally flushing them down the drain, put my clothing on wrong and the list goes on.

How about you? Have you just chalked your “mistakes” up to age, carelessness, or disorganization? What really may be going on is your body’s healing and grieving process.

4. Appetite - This can seem to go either way for loss. In many cases initially there is a loss of appetite. Weight loss is common when grieving but so is weight gain. We comfort ourselves with foods we love or crave. Our eating patterns can become irregular going all day without food and then bingeing on a dozen cookies or a cake at night. The problem with poor eating patterns is this can contribute to adrenal fatigue even more. YIKES… and that can lead to a poorer immune system.

So eating healthy at least eventually after a loss will be important for your healing. But I will admit as soon as we left the hospital I made my husband get me a large peppermint ice cream chocolate dipped cone. Sometimes you need the comfort. But if you do it daily, you will wreck your health and put on the pounds, no matter if that’s all you eat all day.

5. Behavior - Each person may react differently based on the kind of trauma or loss they had. For women who lose babies, we deal with a huge hormone shift which many times can result in Post Partum Depression. This can result in anxiety, moodiness, depression and the list goes on. For me I recognize it through lack of patience with my children, husband or employees. The roller coaster of despair, crying, anxiety, and even happiness.

When you have illness involved with your grief, you will have even more lack of patience. When I heard about a sick single mom swearing at her kids after a great loss, I had more pity on her then disgust. It’s really hard to get through the day without yelling when you have small children and your body is hurting and your heart is hurting. I can’t imagine doing it without support.

Our family members… acute or chronic illness can affect our family members in a variety of ways. Young children may exhibit behavior to get attention, or outbursts, nightmares, bed wetting, withdrawals, anxieties, fears and so on. Teenage children may show similar characteristics but they may also seek attention in others outside the family who may not be the best influence. Alcohol and drugs, sexual attention, bad influences, and even cutting are behaviors that may be seeded from trauma.

Sadly a year ago we lost a baby early on in my pregnancy. I thought I was really the only one affected but looking back I can see it with new eyes. A year ago my husband a strong man who allows me to grieve first it seems, then when I am better you see it affect him. We lost our baby in February and by April he had gained 15 more pounds, had been struggling with repetitive colds, and lack of patience. My son was acting out, refused to work with his new therapist, and pooped his pants almost daily.

This year I see my husband still trying to be strong but his immune system has crashed and he has been sick for weeks. My son has broken out in terrible eczema and sores on his face, he has been bed wetting, and today I got a report that he is not obeying and even hitting in his gym class. At first I was really upset and worried but then I looked beyond it and realized what was really going on with him. I wrote to the gym and coaches and let them know what was going on with our family, asked for some grace and came up with a few solutions to help with his behavior next time.

A new awareness gives me some hope during this difficult time and I hope it does to you too. I hope this article can give you some ideas and things to look for when dealing with loss. As I go through more of the healing process myself, I will share things that helped our family and our health.

God Bless you and your family,

Mary Starr Carter
The Total Wellness Doc and Mom

 

Disclaimer: This information is not meant to diagnose, prescribe, treat or cure any illness or disease. It’s strictly for informational, educational, or entertainment purposes ONLY. The products I talk about are not meant to diagnose, prescribe, treat or cure any illness or disease. Any information I give you about them is for informational or entertainment purposes only. They have not been evaluated or approved by the FDA. Please seek the qualified health professional of your choice when making health decisions for yourself, your family and your pets.

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