The other day my son interrupted a heated discussion (we were yelling) between me and my husband with the words, “Hey guys, what is the matter? You need to calm down.” We immediately snapped out of it, apologized to each other and the kids and soon realized we were arguing about not wanting to argue. Silly right?
Years ago, before kids and the major stressors of life, our home was filled with weekly outbursts and arguments between me and my husband. The tears and tantrums were a weekly occurrence on my part. We were just a few years into our marriage, yet the great DIVIDE was already leading us down the road to divorce.
But great news! In 2007, totally by accident (well it had to be GOD), we found some help and solutions.
Then in 2010, we started having children and everything shifted. I started to be the wife that wanted to keep the peace at all costs so I would make sure everything was taken care of for my husband, manage everything kid- and house-related, and walk on egg shells so we wouldn’t have any outbursts. That didn’t work so well. I still found myself crying weekly and becoming a volcanic eruption towards my husband about once a month.
But, great news again in 2015–this time on purpose I found some more tools, help, and personal and marriage coaching that changed so much for our family. In fact, in 2016 we would launch into a very different and difficult few years, but the skills we gained had prepared us, and got us through those hard times–hard times that would have broken many families.
I don’t know about you, but I didn’t have good marriage mentors growing up or even in my adult years. Some of the “good marriages” around me were made up of people so different than myself I couldn’t relate.
We spend over 16,000 hours in school before our marital years. After high school, we spend another four years and $10,000 to $25,000 a year in universities all in the hopes of having a good job and ultimately a decent life. So much time and money with the main focus–career. But is that all our lives are made up of? WORK? I don’t think so, do you?
Relationships are where it’s at.
One Harvard study followed the lives of 268 men for 75 years and found there are two pillars of happiness. One is love. The other is finding a way of coping with life that does not push love away.
Yet how much learning, schooling, coaching, and financial investment did you spend on love, your relationships, and marriage? Money and time spent on vacations, weddings, and honeymoons don’t count unless you are actively learning and growing.
I bet the answer is around 10 to 20 hours and less than $1,000 dollars. Crazy when you think about it! No wonder the DIVORCE rate is 1 in 2 couples. THAT IS RIDICULOUS, but clearly we know why that is. We don’t invest time or money into learning personal and marital development. We simply go through life or a marriage, with resentment, blame, guilt, frustration, or ignorance thinking this is the best we can do. It’s simply not true.
We must do better. We must change the trajectory of our family and our legacy.
We must learn and grow. We must invest in our marriages.
But Mary, my spouse is not willing to learn and grow…SO WHAT? Most marital problems are more about YOU and your personal development and how you REACT to your spouse then how they act.
So are you ready to stop being mediocre? Are you ready to start a legacy of strong, amazing, passionate marriages?
I’m not a marriage counselor, but I can simply share what has helped me. Here they are:
Marriage Reset Class
Worth the money I promise!
Solutions for an Abundant Life
Life changing especially if you have come from divorced or dysfunctional families
First Steps to Success
This one has been the most impactful for me, my husband, and our kids.
Check out the links to learn more and if you want more of my opinion about these trainings, I would be happy to share with you. I have invested a lot into my personal development and marriage and plan on continuing to do so.
From October 11th – 13th, I will be in Orlando, FL at First Steps to Success. I hope you will join me there!
Your friend who cares about your future;
Mary Starr Carter
The Total Wellness Doc and Mom and Wife
Helping families live a more rich and abundant lives!